Friday, June 5, 2009

Giving it Over to God

Dear Lord, I'm such a control freak! I want to know everything that's going on, and I want to be sure it's all going to work out just perfectly. I know life doesn't work that way, so why do I continue to desire that? Where does that come from, and why can't I let it go?

Today, I was offered a great opportunity for grad school. There is a great possibility for me to attain my master's degree in education in 11 months for less than 50% of the cost. What a huge blessing and opportunity! I most definitely want to do it, but I'm already nervous and freaking out about how I'd pay for it, even as inexpensive as it might be.

I have to figure out where I'm living by the beginning of July. For those who don't know, I decided not to move to Indiana since I have a job here, but my apartment has already been promised to someone else. I love this apartment, and don't want to leave. :( I have a few options, but none of them are ideal like my current situation. I want to KNOW. I want to control the future, or at least know for certain that it will be ok. Thing is, I know something will work out, but since it's not anything tangible right now, I lack the faith that God will do something great.

My landlord said they are considering turning their greatroom into an efficiency apartment for me! Right now it's just a thought, so I don't want to get my hopes up, but man, isn't that God proving Himself already to me? I told God today that I know He can do mighty things, and that I wanted to SEE it, and I was believing as I said it. Then when my landlord told me this, did I see it as a word from God? No, I thought, "Yeah, it's just an idea. They probably won't be able to really do it." Where is my faith?

Lord, help me to give my fears over to You! You are in control. You are Almighty. Your ways are above my ways.

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