Thursday was also counseling. It was one of the best sessions because Lance gave me feedback. A lot of times, I just ramble the whole time, and he'll throw in some thought-provoking questions. Those are good, but it only gets me thinking. It doesn't help me make big steps. I said to him, "Listen, I only have 3 sessions, and you can't fix me in three sessions." I know that's not the proper verbage, but that's what I like to call it. Anyway, I said, "So I need you to give me homework, and whatever other practical stuff you can in the next three weeks so that I can feel like I've made some kind of progress."
In our conversation, he asked if I think God loves me. I said yeah, but hesistantly. He asked how I knew, and of course I sarcastically answered, "The Bible tells me so!" He asked if it was then only in theory or if I experienced it. I said I probably have but I couldn't think of anything. I said it didn't matter if it was my theory or not because it's true whether or not I believe it. He said, "But it does you no good if it's not experienced."
He said due to the lack of proper nurture as a child, I can't identify love, and I have trouble accepting love. This includes God's love. This could play a big role in my guilt issue---which really seems to be my biggest problem. He said his goal is for me to experience God's love. I'm not exactly sure how, but we'll see if I can somehow figure that out. Meanwhile, he suggested I read Henri Nouen. I am hoping to go to Barnes & Noble today to read some stuff. Maybe even buy some stuff.