Sizzledowski

Weeks 4 and 5

2012-01-30T19:29:00.004-05:00

Week 4 was themeless, so we'll go with "Field Trip." Our 4-7th grade went to JA Biztown, an all day field trip where students have jobs, run businesses, write checks, and experience "adult life" for a day.

Week 5 is "Commitment." I'm co-directing the middle school play.

Photo Blog Week 3 - Curves

2012-01-16T16:47:00.003-05:00

I had a hard time deciding, so I'm posting a couple pictures here. The first one is the one I chose for my group entry.

This is the road my school is on. I drive this dreary path every day.

Photo Blog Week 2 - Something Blue

2012-01-10T20:42:00.002-05:00

This past weekend, my friend Nick came to visit me. Now, he is actually here for the whole week visiting a friend in D.C. so I didn't want to take him there. Instead, we went to Annapolis. It was a picture perfect day.

Photo Blog Week 1 - "New"

2012-01-09T09:39:00.003-05:00

The theme is NEW. That's pretty much expected for the first week of a new year. However, I couldn't really come up with anything new! Then, this student came up to my desk. "Can I have a new paper?" he asked. Golden.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T17:52:00.002-05:00

I'm certainly not the best blogger. My friends are doing a "Year of 52 Pictures" so I've decided to join them. Maybe this will help my blog become a little more interesting.

Meanwhile, I spent my Christmas in the midwest with family. We spent Christmas Eve in Chicago.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

How Do You Teach The Good Samaritan?

2011-11-19T11:15:00.003-05:00

The story of The Good Samaritan teaches us that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It's a great and important message. It's the 2nd most important command. Jesus told the lawyer to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and then to love your neighbor as yourself.

So, Jesus was telling the lawyer just needed to be good and be kind to his neighbor? Sure, Jesus taught that message, but that wasn't the purpose of the story. In Luke 10, the lawyer comes to Jesus, asking what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus tells the man of the two laws that must be obeyed. The man, knowing he had not obeyed the second law, asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" because he wanted to be justified by the law. He was hoping to find his salvation in his good works, but he knew he had not been good enough. He had failed to obey the second law.

The main reason Jesus told the story was not to show that we are to love our neighbor. Jesus was showing the lawyer his sinful state. He was exposing him to his depravity. Jesus was saying, "You are a sinner, and you need me. You cannot perfectly follow the law. If you were sinless, you would have eternal life."

We get caught up in the commands of the Bible. We strive to do and live righteously. We work and work, but we forget the most important part: we are sinners who need Jesus. We are depraved and have a need for salvation to be reconciled to God. Our focus is turned on ourselves, our failures, or our good works. It is important for us to turn our eyes to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. He should be the focus of The Good Samaritan. The story should remind us that we are sinners incapable of saving ourselves. We need Jesus Christ.

Philosophy of Christian Education

2011-10-23T17:05:00.003-04:00

Education is good and important, but education is not the answer for spiritual transformation in students. Thus, Christian education is more than just knowledge. I would go further to say that Christian education is more than just a moral setting. Many parents place their students in a Christian school because it is considered a safe environment physically, spiritually, and mentally. In response, Christian educators are often caught up in the moralities and knowledge desired by Christian families. What we miss is the importance of the work of the Holy Spirit both in the transformation of lives and the growth of wisdom in our children. The Holy Spirit is above education. Knowledge is commendable, but it will not breed spirituality.

We cannot be the Holy Spirit, but we can be instruments of Him.

As a Christian educator, my goals include the following for my students:

1. The fear of the Lord (This is the beginning of wisdom)

2. To know God (not just know ABOUT Him)

3. Receive and communicate the Gospel effectively

4. To display the existence of God

5. Use knowledge and education as a way to worship and honor God

1. The fear of the Lord - I want my students to understand that God is the omnipotent Creator of the universe. He is to be revered and respected. We are the creation, not the creator. When we understand that---whether children or adults---we view the cosmos in a different way.

2. To know God - I want my students to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. We can know what God has done, but to call Him Lord and Savior, and to commune with Jesus---oh, what transforming power that will have.

3. Receive and communicate the Gospel effectively - Within a Christian school setting, we have the open opportunity to clearly explain the Gospel to students, as well as demonstrate its power. The Gospel is not just for the "unsaved." The Gospel should be the foundation for each educator and each student. Live the Gospel and share the Gospel.

4. To display the existence of God - Our purpose as believers is to bring honor and glory to God. Knowledge and order are a reflection of the Almighty.

5. Use knowledge and education as a way to worship and honor God - I do not want my students to earn a grade. I want my students to grow and learn. I am constantly reminding them that school is about the process, not the product. This carries over into spiritual lives. We are not trying to make cookie cutter Christians who look good on a shelf. I want my students to go through processes of failure and success that build them into better students. As students learn the processes of learning, we share and learn from our struggles and mistakes. When students are successful, they give honor to God. I tell them their final product is a gift to God. A gift that is only possible because first God led them through the process. Thus, God gets the honor and glory in their successful work, and in turn, they lay it before the Savior as thanks. What a way to worship our Savior---through education.

If I want to be successful, I too have to know my life is a process not a product. Christian education is not about morality, but it is about spiritual growth. I will fail and struggle, but I will give the honor to God for what comes to me in my classroom and in my life. I must daily rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to give me strength and wisdom as I am His instrument.

This year's first student anecdote

2011-09-17T11:36:00.002-04:00

My students were presenting group projects about their assigned Maryland region. They had to tell about the natural and man-made features as well as the people and cities. One student mentioned the tourist industry.

"What is a tourist?" I asked.

The student replied, "They drove the planes into Twin Towers."

And thus begins another year in my 4th grade classroom.

My first earthquake

2011-08-23T22:27:00.001-04:00

We had just started our history lesson. I teach in a modular, so it's common for the room to shake when someone is running in the hall or when the outside door slams. I figured someone was running. Then it got louder and stronger. My mind moved to thinking a truck was pulling near the building. Then as I saw the speakers swaying and the room tilting back and forth like a boat, I thought TORNADO? But then I looked outside and everything was still. That's when I realized it was an earthquake.

I squatted down to the ground without saying a word and most of the students followed my lead. When a couple boys tried to joke around, I told everyone to be quiet and sit on the floor. It only seemed to last 15 seconds or so, but it was all such a blur as I was trying to figure out what was even going on.

We all ended up in the field next to the school until school was dismissed.

Blog Disaster

2011-08-03T21:33:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Google+, I have almost no pictures on my blog. It's probably my own fault, but I'm going to blame Google+ because it makes me feel a little better. You see G+ added all my photo albums, but I don't need all my G+ friends seeing my random photo folders, so on G+ I deleted them. I didn't realize it would completely delete the folders from the internetz. I just thought I was removing their presence from G+. I was wrong. :(

Baseball Parks 2011

2011-06-25T23:30:00.001-04:00

These are the fields I've been to this season:

1. Camden Yards
2. Nationals Stadium
3. Comerica Park
4. U.S. Cellular

Not bad.

Teacher Post

2011-03-30T20:26:00.003-04:00

It was the end of the day. I was "so done" with my students not listening and not participating. My patience had been exhausted, but these kids needed to have this information for their history quiz. I asked a question and two kids raised their hands.

I grabbed a bag of jolly ranchers out of my desk and asked the question again. Suddenly, every kid was trying to find the answers. Hands were up across the room. Genius.

After we'd finished the lesson and packed up for the day, I pressed my luck. "Ok, so what have you learned in this chapter of history?"

A very perceptive student answered, "I learned that if we're really bad all day, you will bribe us."

My 2nd Attempt to Get This Book for Free (Even Though I Already Own It Now)

2011-03-07T06:21:00.003-05:00

More Don Miller! :)

What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

A pretty inspiring book! Buy it on AMAZON!

Kristi

2011-02-03T12:44:00.001-05:00

My dear, sweet friend, Kristi is currently teaching at an International Christian school in Vienna, Austria. She has an amazing testimony, a beautiful spirit, a mighty God, and wonderful talent.

Listen to her here.

Follow her story here.

Worship Leads to Obedience

2011-02-01T09:36:00.003-05:00

I try. I try. I try. I fail. I fail. I fail. I am perplexed by the whole concept of obedience. I am supposed to obey, but God also knows I'm sinful and will fail. My efforts to obey lead me to be frustrated and focused on my failure and inability. I'm told to rely on the Holy Spirit, but I don't quite understand how that works.

The key, then, is that I need not focus on obedience. What?! How could I? Obedience is so important! Yesterday, someone said to me, "It's impossible to obey all the time." When we have that attitude, again, we're already defeated. We're focusing on our flesh and weakness.

Turn the focus. Focus on the amazing power of Christ. Learn of who God is. Meditate and worship the greatness of our Lord. As we fill our souls, our lives, with WHO God is, we stand in awe. The more you see God for who He is, the more natural obedience will become. Obedience will flow as a response to God's holiness. The Holy Spirit moves us that way.

But the truth is, sometimes I don't want to stand in awe of God. I want to try to obey so that I can be excused when I fail. I want to focus on me.

I must learn to worship before I can obey.

Selling Drugs Begins

2010-12-22T12:21:00.002-05:00

This is me just typing as my dad talked; thus, some of it is choppy and poorly written. Enjoy!
Also being in base ops, we were very secure. You had to pass through 3 locked doors to get where I was; even then you had to have a general’s approval to come in. We learned that soldiers coming home from Vietnam, Thailand, Laos, and wherever stopped there first. They gave them the speech that the next stop was Hawaii. If they had any contraband, now was the time to drop it.

So we learned that the Marines would escort them to their aircraft. At the time, the waiting area was left unoccupied for at least fifteen minutes. Two guys would leave our post and go down with paper bags and go through luggage or duffle bags that were left. We didn’t take everything, you know. We would take two or three pounds of marijuana at a time. Some of the guys, mostly east coast, were more interested in finding the heroin.

We would take it down to the bars in town and sell it to the bar owners. We would sell little match boxes full for $10. And of course, we’d eat and drink for free at that point. This continued for seven or eight months. Some guys were sending it home, but I was too afraid. Plus I knew my mom would open it up, and I didn’t want her to see it. I just kept my little stashes.

We were making a good profit. I saved quite a bit of money. I started buying camera equipment and nice clothes. Then one night, I was talking to two friends that I’d gone to school with. One was in Philippines and one was in Hawaii. Since I was in Base Ops, I could control that kind of communication…patching in multiple calls from wherever. My sponsor sergeant Dufus, had overheard me talking and turned me into the military police.

After I got off my shift that night, I went back to the barracks. My room had been stripped down, and everything piled in the middle. They said they wanted to know where my marijuana was. I told them I didn’t know what they were talking about, that I didn’t have anything. Luckily they didn’t open my folded socks because that’s where my baggies were. After that, I was under surveillance all the time.

If we were going to smoke, we would go to the roof, but we couldn’t do that anymore. We’d go hide in the tall banana leaves/plants, or whatever they were, and we made ourselves a little hut. We’d go one at a time before we went to the chow hall. At the same time, at home---my dad had a nervous breakdown. He freaked out pretty bad, and I wanted to go home on a family emergency leave. They wouldn’t let me. I rolled four joints and walked into my commander’s office. I said you guys are looking for evidence so here’s three joints. There would’ve been four, but I smoked one on my way to see you.

So they put me in what they call correctional custody. It’s not a prison, but more like a jail because I was a nonviolent criminal. All of us there had to clean the base, exercise, and whatnot all day. My friends on the outside would leave weed in the trash out on the base with orange tape or something, so I could find it. We’d pick it up and smoke it as we did our chores. They never searched us or did any testing. We smoked some and saved some. Another duty was washing all the MP cars. So, as we were washing them, we’d put joints under the floor mats. It was a good hiding place since we cleaned the cars every day.

Then we got really brave. We were playing volleyball. We lit a dooby and taped it to the volleyball. We just threw the volleyball around, taking hits.

After being in the corrections for 30 days and so-called house arrest for 2 months, I was discharged as an undesirable and sent back home.

Sneak Peek

2010-12-21T14:32:00.003-05:00

I've decided to have my dad narrate his life story. I'm just writing pretty much whatever he says. Here is a preview of what's in store:

My orders were to go to Denver, Colorado, I think it was. While at home, they changed and sent me to Okinawa. When I arrived in Okinawa, there was supposed to be someone there to meet me; but there was no one. I took a cab to the base, and asked where the AFCS was. I went in to see the 1st sergeant. No one was there. It was about 11:30 at night. I asked the officer on duty where my room was. He looked and found an empty room where I went to sleep.

No one came to talk to me for 4 days. I took my papers to the pay center and got my pay. I hadn’t done anything yet. I decided to venture into town. I went to a bar that had pinball machines that you could win money on.

Went back to base and still couldn’t find my first sergeant. I hired this hiree to clean my room, do my clothes, do all this stuff. I kept going to town every night, and after like 3 months I just got bored: go to town, go to bed, and get cinnamon toast from the night stand.

Then they gave me a roommate. He asked what I do here and I said, “I don’t know.” He told me he was here for tech control. I didn’t tell him I was here for the same thing because I wanted to see what would happen. So, he gets up the next morning and goes to work. Meanwhile, I’d been swimming, snorkeling, skin-diving, doing nothing.

While I’m walking down the hall one day, the first sergeant who’s supposed to control everything sees me. He says, “I see you all the time. What do you do?” I said, “I don’t know.” He asked when I got here and I told him, “Three months ago.” I explained that I signed in, got my pay records done, and I’ve been waiting for my sponsor to come and get me.

He says, “Who is your sponsor?” I said, “Sergeant Dufus... That was his name, I swear!” The next day, I met Sergeant Dufus, and he was. So they took me to tech control and showed me the base ops—the airport terminal. They just swept everything else under the table because it was a stupid mistake, but I enjoyed it.

stuff students say

2010-11-18T22:17:00.003-05:00

1. Earlier in the week, a student pronounced "Jacques" as "jackass."

Today was career day...

2. When asked, "What can you do when you're 18?" a student replied, "FACEBOOK!"

3. After a martial arts instructor gave his presentation, a student asked, "Did the guy who started it know Jackie Chan and his dad---what's his name---Bruce Lee?"

A Shout out to Babies R Us

2010-11-17T16:40:00.002-05:00

Good customer service will win me over EVERY time.

A few weeks ago I ordered a gift card online from Babies R Us. When Ryan and Steph didn't get the card within a few days of shipping, I got a little worried. I talked with Ryan and realized I'd given the wrong address to the company. Oh no!

I called and talked to a few different people at Babies R Us as well as talked to Ryan to see what we should/could do. When we determined the card was not at his post office nor a neighbor's house, I called back to Babies R Us. The operator forwarded my call to the supervisor.

Everyone I talked to was extremely polite, and even though the error was mine, she had no problem calling the gift card service to have the card canceled and resent. They could've easily said, "Sorry that's your fault," but of course that would've been poor customer service.

Good customer service will win me over every time.

Ryan got the gift card today!

Sidenote: Be careful when dialing toll free numbers. If you dial 1-800 rather than 1-888 when calling Babies R Us, you end up hearing a hot (maybe?), steamy lady trying to seduce you with a sultry voice and accompanying music. Oops!

failure's not flattering

2010-11-10T22:17:00.003-05:00

This month I have volunteered to teach the 4-5 year old class during the church hour. I thought, "Hey, I'm a teacher. I can do this." This past Sunday was my first class. It was horrible. I had no control; I had no idea how to keep the kids' attention, nor a clue on how to get them to listen, obey, and/or be nice. It was highly stressful.

It was humbling. I failed. I hate failure. Failure is humiliating; it makes me look foolish.

But, I have decided that God's plan was for me to fail. He knew I'd fail. Well, He knew I'd see it as failure. I couldn't do it. I'll still be in there for the next three weeks. However, I now realize a few things. First, I really need to pray for God's help. Second, it doesn't have to go perfectly. Finally, I have to remember to do it for God and not so that I can pat myself on the back to tell myself how awesome I am.

failure's not flattering, but neither is pride. i needed the faceplant.

today in my christian classroom

2010-11-03T18:59:00.003-04:00

As a teacher, I'm tired of students turning in work that's messy, lazy, and absolutely not a true portrayal of their knowledge and ability. No matter how many times I repeat, "Do your best. Go over your answers. Check your work. Make sure you didn't skip any questions," at least one---and usually more---student fails to adhere to my advice.

My students had their first test over two-digit multiplication. I was nervous for them. I knew they had the ability in them, but so many were constantly making careless errors in their daily practice. I decided to present them with a new point of view.

"When your parents buy you something to make, what's the first thing you do when you are done creating it?" I asked them. I then demonstrated for them. I held my two hands up in front of me, as if to hold some new little creation: "Look what I did! I made this for you!" The students smiled and agreed that's exactly what they would do.

I told them, "God has given you the gift of learning. When you take a test, when you do a homework assignment, when you complete classwork, I want you to think of it in that same way. I want you to say, Lord, look what I can do! Look what I'm doing for You!"

I want my students to see schoolwork as an opportunity to worship God. They are fulfilling a purpose much higher than completion... a purpose much more important than a grade. They are laying before their God the works they have done in His honor.

The students turned in their tests, and I eagerly graded them. I have 15 students. There were 14 A's and 1 B.

I believe the Lord will say to them, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."

Misinterpretation

2010-10-18T19:47:00.008-04:00

This last week in Bible, I was teaching my 4th grade students about the miracles Jesus had performed. The Bible curriculum categorizes the miracles into four groups. Power over Satan, Death, Nature, and Disease. I had the students draw a picture of a miracle Jesus performed in each of these four categories.
As I roamed the room looking at their interpretations, I took a second glance at this particular picture.

I apparently did not enunciate.

This deserves its own post...

2010-10-07T11:39:00.007-04:00

Thanks are due to Emily for reminding me to post this picture as well. This picture gets a post to itself because this guy is pretty awesome. In June, Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game because of a poor call by the umpire.

As most of you have probably read or seen, Galarraga responded in an incredibly gracious manner. The umpire also reacted when he realized the mistake he had made. The entire situation, as heart-breaking as it was, demonstrated great sportsmanship and character. Both Galarraga and Joyce (the umpire) will forever be remembered for their actions that day.

So, as I was standing outside Camden Yards last Friday night, I was stoked when I saw Armando Galarraga walk out the doors. Some players don't stop for pictures or autographs. Although he was out there meeting friends and maybe family, he graciously signed for the kids who asked and took a photograph with me. What a nice guy.

Classroom Moments

2010-10-05T19:56:00.005-04:00

"Miss Syd, I got my pencil stuck in the pencil sharpener," my student tells me. He tried sharpening a pencil that was obviously too small to be sharpened anymore.

"I didn't know it was going to get stuck," he pleaded. I used a bent paperclip to stab the eraser of the pencil, and then proceeded to pull out the tiny pencil.

This is where I turned into Seth Myer mode... "Really?" I said, looking at the pencil, and then back at the sharpener repeatedly. I then measured the pencil with my fingers and compared my finger-measurement to the sharpener. Again, "Reaaalllly? Really? Seriously? really?"

The student continued to state he did not know the pencil would get stuck. I couldn't stop laughing as I retold this story to his mom.

And so another season ends

2010-10-03T20:39:00.009-04:00

Today completed the 2010 baseball season for the Detroit Tigers. They finished at an even .500 record, which is more than mildly disappointing after the amazing first half of the season. Unfortunately, after sporatic injuries for the team---Guillen, Inge, Zumaya, Ordonez, and others---and quite the hitting slump for many (Boesch, what happened?), the team fell apart.

This last weekend of games was in Baltimore, so I was able to attend the final four games of the season. The Tigers dropped the first three but were able to take a victory in the final game. I sat watching my favorite player, Brandon Inge, play what might be his final game as a Tiger. What I didn't know until afterward is that Dombrowski had offered Inge a 2 year contract before the final game! So that was awesome.

But let's back up to before the final game because that's where my pretty-close-to-perfect day began. I made a sign that said, "Inge: Always a Tiger." See, that has been a slogan for the team for a couple years now (nevermind my picture of Granderson with the always a tiger slogan). I wanted Inge to know where his fans wanted him (well, this fan anyway), despite what the organization might do.

During warmups, I made my way to the edge of the field with my sign. After Inge was done warming up, he threw me a ball! This was the first time I'd ever gotten a ball from a player, and it was from my fav. Woo hoo! During the warmups, I also got a picture with Max St. Pierre, the Tigers' catcher who was called up this season after spending 14 years in the minors.
During the game, Inge hit a 2-run homerun to tie the game (Tigers won 4-2), and had a great grab for the final out.

Thanks to my friend, Jay, who bought me the sweet seats behind the Tigers' dugout for my birthday.

After the game, my friend Maegan and I headed to the Home Plate entrance (outside the stadium) where we waited for players. I said a loud good-bye to Jhonny Peralta, who laughed and waved. I then got my picture with both Valverde and Figaro.

What a fun day. The only thing that would've made the day better would be if Jay had actually been at the game having this much fun with me. Maybe next time!

In My Head Today ...

2010-09-22T20:43:00.004-04:00

"I pray and pray and pray, but I just can't overcome this sin!" Yeah, I've said that a billion times. Today on my way to work, I was listening to the Reconstruction message by Andy Stanley in his Character Under Construction series. He said something like, "I've never heard someone say they just prayed and the sin problem went away."

He went on to explain that prayer is a great tool, but it's not the cure for sin. He explains it much more clearly than I could ever retell, but I'm just trying to get my thoughts out to remind myself.

He said, the truth will set you free. The Bible is truth. Just as Christ used Scripture deny temptation, so should we. We have to renew our minds. Yeah, I know---What the heck does that even mean?

Stanley said when we're tempted, we often say, "Well, I know I shouldn't..." but suggested we instead say, "It is written..." Seriously, if I was quoting Scripture to myself in the midst of temptation, I'd probably avoid a lot of mistakes. But the bottom line is that I don't. I absolutely say, "Well, I know I shouldn't, but..." and justify my sin. We tell ourselves all kinds of lies.

The whole series has been good, but this message really pricked my heart. I'm not going to overcome sin by praying, or by listening to more sermons. It's the renewing of my mind with truth that will set me free. I've got to stop lying to myself.

You can listen to the sermons here.

A beautiful letdown

2010-09-01T21:57:00.001-04:00

Today I officially realized how out of shape I am. However, the beautiful part is that I discovered my condition while playing my favorite of all favorites... volleyball. I found an open volleyball about 25 minutes from my house on Wednesday nights from 8-10 for only $5. This makes me very very happy.

We played 2 on 3 and 3 on 2, and I really had a lot of fun. I can't wait for next week!

and it's been a while

2010-08-31T19:03:00.003-04:00

Some big things on my mind that I've picked up from recent sermons:

1. I rely too much on sermons and church for my spiritual welfare. While these are good additions, my personal walk with Jesus is dependent solely on my relationship with Him. I need to personally develop that relationship through my own seeking, studying, conversing, and worshiping.

2. When I go to God's Word, I'm always looking to see what I can find to help myself. Instead, I should be going to God's Word looking to see God. My focus needs adjustment.

Summer Vacation Comes to a Close

2010-08-09T16:24:00.008-04:00

After I finished my professional project for my master's degree, I went to NYC to visit my friends, Joe and Kristina. We had a lot of fun just chillin in Manhattan. I have another friend who lives in Queens, and he works for Tracy Morgan. That friend hooked us up with passes to see Tracy Morgan do stand up at Caroline's in Times Square. THAT was a lot of fun! I also went to Redeemer Presbyterian in Manhattan, where Tim Keller is the pastor. He didn't speak, but it was still cool to go.

After my trip to NYC, I went to Illinois to visit family. The day I arrived in Illinois, we went to a tiny zoo in Racine. That trip afforded me the opportunity to meet my internet friend, Matt, who I've been online friends with for seven years! He lives in Racine, so we met up for lunch. I forgot to get a picture with him! What is wrong with me?!

Then I went with my siblings and nieces to the U.P. to visit my uncle at his cabin. That was a really fun 4 day trip. Campfires, cards, the lake, and 4-wheeling!

To finish the trip, my younger brother and I went to Chicago for the day, to go to a Cubs game. I got to see Wrigley Field! Then we walked around Chicago for a while.

And now, I begin my final week of summer vacation. Then, it's back to the classroom. I would love to have some more summertime, but at the same time--I'm excited to get back to working with the kids.

A Rare Movie Post!

2010-07-27T22:03:00.002-04:00

I used to watch up to 25+ movies a month, and then list whether or not I liked them. Well, in January, I canceled my Netflix and decided to quit the movie habit. I still watch movies occasionally, but I certainly don't waste the time I used to. Since I was traveling to NYC this last weekend, I rented a few movies ...

1. Book of Eli - ok movie; worth watching once.
2. Cop Out - HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud all by myself on the bus. The opening scene is fantastic.
3. Invictus - loved it.
4. Public Enemies - I was very underwhelmed, but I can't complain since I was watching Johnny Depp and Christian Bale for 2 hours. :)

Peace

2010-07-19T02:46:00.005-04:00

I love the moments in life when I comprehend there is a bigger picture. I feel content. God is on His throne, and I am in His hands. My circumstances have not changed, but my spirit hears and understands pieces of God---enough pieces to realize this puzzle is not mine to solve.

I have been given this gift of life. He has poured out on me His gift of love. I am His vessel. I am not the purpose; He is. Through me, His work is done.

Playing With Photoshop

2010-07-09T17:47:00.003-04:00

This is an old picture, but I'm trying to learn to use photoshop to edit coloring on photos. I don't really know what I'm doing yet, but it's still fun to play.

Matt Chandler: Colossians (Part 12) Grace Driven Effort

2010-07-08T12:27:00.007-04:00

I am using my blog to take notes of this sermon because I'm getting so much out of it.

1. Colossians 3: 5-8

These verses begin by telling us to put off things like fornication and covetousness. It is easy for us to say we do not do these things. We see ourselves as "safe" because these sins are not on our list; but we ignore verse 8 which says, "But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth."

It's easy for me to judge those involved in what I consider "grievous" sins, but I do not judge my own heart for the anger, the malicious thoughts, and the evil speaking. Shame on me.

2. Chandler spoke of pitting "sin versus sin." I was unsure of where he was going with it until he gave an exampe. He generalized a situation for both men and women.

Men: The sin is lust. He takes it on with gladiator strength and claims his own victory, thus reveling in a new sin: self righteousness.

Women: The sin is worry and anxiety. She begins to control and manipulate to fight against these sins, only to be faced with these new sins.

This was very powerful to me because I am in a constant cycle of fighting one sin with another sin, even in this specific area of control and manipulation along with worry and anxiety.

3. Many of us tend to think if we perform things on a checklist, we have "clout." We have spiritually arrived.

I know I struggle with this mindset as well because I was raised to do do do, but never really taught how to apply grace in my life. I never learned how to cultivate a relationship, whether with God or with people.

God doesn't love me because I obey the law. He loves me because of the blood of Christ.

These are your grace-given weapons against the residual affects of sin in our lives:

We fight sin with the blood of Christ.
We fight sin with the Word of God.
We fight sin with the promises of the new covenant. Hebrews 9:15

I don't run from God, I run to God when I stumble and fall.

Grace driven effort uses these weapons.

The legalist uses his own vows and resolutions. He uses the law to try to conform himself to perfection: this has never worked for anyone.

***

Analogy: When a baby is learning to walk, he will usually first slide along some piece of furniture helping himself balance. When he takes those first few steps and falls, no parent says, "What an idiot!" No, instead, there is joy and celebration, not over the fall, but over the few steps that took place before the fall.

These things are shadows of a deeper reality. God rejoices over those steps in our lives. The focus isn't on the fall. We show our immaturity when we fall, and then hang our head in shame, feeling God now wants nothing to do with us. No! This is when we should run to Him!

***

4. Grace driven effort attacks the roots and not just the branches. Pay attention to what's happening in the heart. The external action is a result of an internal idolatry.

***

5. Grace driven effort fights against sin that has grieved the God of the universe, NOT "I have sinned so I feel bad about myself."

***

This is something I need to put focus on in my life. I put the focus on myself rather than on God.

***

Paul says there is a different between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow leads to death, godly sorrow leads to repentance.

***

6. Grace driven effort is violent! Our new holy nature hates the residual effects of sin. Grace driven effort wants to MURDER sin. Mortify the flesh: wicked thoughts and ambitions both seen and unseen.

***

Just because it's not on the outside, doesn't mean it's not there.

***

We often don't want to put sin to death. We want to control it. We train it and keep it hidden. Then we can run to it when we are upset, rather than running to the God of the universe.

4th Pics

2010-07-05T01:43:00.002-04:00

I ended up going to D.C. to see fireworks. 'Twas a good night.

Happy Birthday, America

2010-07-04T12:51:00.003-04:00

I am thankful to God that I live in America. The other day, I was driving my little Kia Spectra down the road, and I began to contemplate how fortunate I am. Truly, I am rich. What? Yes! I drive a Spectra and I'm rich. My mind wandered to the people of Haiti, to the people in so many parts of the world who have no financial means. They have no government support. People across the globe suffer daily in immense ways that I will never know.

I do not think God loves me more than those who live in these other countries. I will never understand why I am given this gift of freedom and opportunity. I am sitting inside my room in the air condition, using my laptop and watching the 2010 MLB All-Star Selection Show. I just returned from church where we met together to worship our Lord. These opportunities I take for granted. I have turned them into rights.

This gift of freedom that I have. This gift of American government, it's just that: gifts. There may be a time when these things are taken from me. What then? Will I still see God for Who He is? Or will I become bitter that I do not have the things I desire to have.

Living in America is something I am thankful for, but I must also remember to put my hope and trust in Jesus Christ, my God, and not the material things or human protection He has given me. My hope is in You, Lord.

Today, I praise God for America. Happy 4th of July. May we celebrate our citizenship today, and always. May we also celebrate our citizenship in the kingdom of God, today and always.

Favorite Actresses

2010-07-03T23:37:00.003-04:00

A while back, I wrote a post about my favorite actors. I don't think I ever wrote one about my favorite actresses.

1. Tina Fey. I want to be her. She's clever. witty. hilarious. adorable. I admire funny women. I don't know a whole lot of funny females personally. She is one I'd like to meet. Her character, Liz Lemon, on 30 Rock is one of my favorites of all time.

2. Joan Cusack. I think this woman can do anything as an actress and seems to hide from the fame spotlight. But I just love her. She can do comedy and drama with equal passion and power. Think about ... Martian Child, Friends with Money, Raising Helen, School of Rock... the list goes on.

3. Toni Collette. Much like Cusack, Collette is versatile and nails her character. I especially loved About a Boy and In Her Shoes, but let's not forget Connie and Carla.

June 30th and I'm Halfway There!

2010-06-30T15:22:00.001-04:00

A couple years ago, I set a goal of reading 12 books in a year, and I did it pretty easily. I decided to do it again this year, but I was pretty overwhelmed with graduate work. Thanks to the fact that I didn't set any rules on what kind of books, I've read two lower level reading books this last week to put myself on target for 12 books for the year.

Then again, after I finish this project, I am going to try to read a lot more. I'm starting to enjoy it a little more.

Good bye, old friend

2010-06-29T01:53:00.003-04:00

Today, my Great Uncle Ed passed away. He was the last of my grandma's siblings. He was 91. He once told me I wasn't finding dates because my skirts were too long. He was a funny guy. I miss my grandma so much, and all her siblings. My great aunts and uncles were there for every Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. My cousins and my brothers and I used to put on improv dramas for them while they sat drinking coffee in my grandma's living room.

Those memories are cherished. Peace to you, Uncle Ed. And prayers for Aunt Tracy as she grieves your death.

A Little Baseball Post

2010-06-19T23:49:00.003-04:00

Last night my friend Miguel and I went to Nationals Park to see the amazing Stephen Strasburg pitch. He had 10 strikeouts in 7 innings, but was left with no-decision because the Nats offense didn't have enough to offer. Miguel was pretty happy since he's a White Sox fan. I was just happy to see the greatness of Stephen Strasburg. He's incredible. On Wednesday, I'll get to see him pitch again, this time against the Kansas City Royals.

My 2nd Kiva Loan

2010-06-17T22:35:00.003-04:00

In January, I gave my first $25 to Kiva.org. The other day, I received an email informing me the loan was fully repaid, so I have recycled the $25 to another business.

From Kiva:

Shahida lives with her husband and children in Multan, Pakistan, the city of sweetmeats and shrines. 

A very talented lady, Shahida owns and operates a boutique business. She first buys unstitched clothes from the market and then stitches them with good designs to sell to her customers. She has been doing this work for over five years.

She is acknowledged in her community as a hardworking lady. Her business helps her to improve the living standard of her family. She has applied for a loan from Asasah to invest more capital in her boutique business. She will buy clothes and threads in bulk with the loan amount. 

She is hopeful that with this loan she will be able to achieve her goal of having a successful boutique business.

My Plan

2010-06-10T15:14:00.003-04:00

To complete my master's degree, I have to create a professional project in lieu of a thesis. This project will be an 8 hour training session for my colleagues. The biggest piece of enlightenment came to me during our study of cooperative learning. Not having an undergrad degree in education, I was never made fully aware of the difference between group work and cooperative learning.

When my professor approached the topic of cooperative learning in the classroom, she fascinated me with her connection of the classroom to the body of Christ. In my paraphrase, this is what she said, "Each person is individually responsible for his or her own actions, but the bigger picture is to see that everyone in the group succeeds; each part of the body has a role in this success. The foot, the hand, the eyes, the mouth ... are all important, and although they may have different responsibilities, every single piece is necessary, and it is vital that these parts all work together in unity."

The goal of my professional project will be to train the teachers to create this atmosphere of unity in the classroom, using the example of the body of Christ. As Christians, we should already be striving to work together in community, in unity. We should want others to succeed as much as we want to be successful ourselves. Christianity is not a competition. Neither is education.

I want my classroom to be effective in teaching children to take personal responsibility for their role as an individual, but also as a citizen. Students need a deeper understanding of how their actions do not merely affect themselves. I intend to incorporate cooperative learning skills and activities to build this atmosphere where students learn to work together so that all have the opportunity to be successful citizens.

Closer to God

2010-06-10T00:34:00.002-04:00

There's something about flying that makes me feel closer to God. Hmmm, maybe it's because I'm in the heavens. No, that's not it. Then what is it?

First, I'm almost always by myself. Being alone in a place where people are departing from loved ones or reuniting with friends puts me in this little bubble of isolation in the midst of tears and laughter. My mind wanders and longs to be waited for. That leads me to the feet of God, where He's always waiting for me ... or walking toward me, rather. To know His love is beyond words. And for whatever reason, I feel God's love in airports.

The view of earth from thousands of feet up in the air also points my thoughts toward God. He is so big and earth is so small. His creation is so amazing; it's tiny and insignificant in the realm of the universe, but He's given each of us such great significance. It's mind-boggling. Every time I look out the window of an airplane, I think of God, of creation, of myself, of how all this fits together. I don't pretend to understand it. Sometimes it makes me smile. There are times these thoughts make me cry.

These aren't deep thoughts. They are just my thoughts. The thoughts I have when flying.

Summer Begins!

2010-06-07T17:53:00.005-04:00

Today I went to the pond with Sheri, Alison, and Sophia. Alison loves fishing. She could fish all day.

Sophia tried to be interested.

But she didn't last very long, so I sent her off to pick flowers instead.

This is all Sheri managed to catch.

It was a perfect day.

Lake Geneva with Family - June 4

2010-06-05T18:03:00.002-04:00

I don't know which is coolest ? ? ?

2010-06-01T18:36:00.007-04:00

Coolest - I won $112 at poker last weekend.

or is this the coolest - I did a 5k the weekend before.

or perhaps this may be the coolest - I am almost done with grad school!

Choose whichever. But perhaps I'll choose this: School's out for summer!

In January, I started going to the gym. Donald Miller inspired me to try to get fit... or at least lose some weight, or do something to gain some endurance. He did biking. I decided to try running. I still can't run too far or too fast. However, when I began in January, I could hardly complete a mile in 18 minutes. Today, I did 2 miles in 25:01. And, I've officially lost 15 pounds. I have 15 more to go to my goal. I'd hoped to be much closer by this point, but I'm just excited that there is progress. Could this be the coolest?

Baseball Makes Everything Better

2010-05-20T00:15:00.003-04:00

Tonight I went with a couple friends down to Nationals Park to watch the Nats play the Mets. I've been pretty down the past week, but there's something about a ballpark that just makes the rainclouds go away.

The Nats won, but the Mets had a couple spectacular plays. I witnessed both an in-the-park homerun and a triple play. That was pretty fantastic.

To top it all off, our tickets were only $5 each, and the usher let us sit in seats that were definitely not ours.

I.love. baseball.

Accepting Painful Words and Letting Go of Expectations

2010-05-09T10:22:00.003-04:00

In a world where we are taught to serve ourselves, it is difficult to explain the philosophy of Jesus Christ both to those who believe and to those who do not. My goal for the end of this school year has been to help the students understand how to think like Jesus, and how to live like Him. This means putting others first. It means not reacting when we are offended. It means showing love to our enemies.

Kids generally love Jesus and believe. But when you explain specific situations where we are to pray blessing upon those who curse us, and do good to them who do wrong to us ... it's so much harder for them to act upon.

Thing is, that's not just true for kids. It's true for me, too. As I've been teaching the students to put away malice, deceit, envy, hypocrisy, and evil speaking, I have told them I need this just as much. But the truth is, I didn't really have anything specific in mind. I just know the philosophy should be part of my life.

So then last night, my friend asked if I was going to call my mom for Mother's Day. I said, "Probably, but I really don't want to." We talked back and forth about it, and this was the bottom line: it's important for me to show love regardless of the response. The Gospel and the love of Christ should be my motivation---not expectations.

Hmmm, just as I've been teaching to my students. Oh look, self, time to put away hypocrisy.

It was hard for me to hear the words he was saying. Why? Well, because I don't want to do it! I don't want the responsibility of taking the love of Christ to my family! It's too hard. How shameful. That is my purpose--to glorify God, and I am saying, "NO!" The no comes so easily because I'm set in my thought process of expectations. I expect my parents should act a certain way toward me, and they do not.

Lord, help me to let go of these expectations and hold on to your love and strength.

Health and Crap (ha!)

2010-05-03T17:58:00.001-04:00

I started counting calories today.

I also went to the gym intending to run 3 straight miles. That was my goal, but I knew I wasn't really going to be able to do it. I've run 3 miles, but not straight. So, my plan was to jog really slowly so I didn't tire too quickly. I got really bored, and it was hard.

But, my friend, Kristi-Anna, was with me, and at 2.5 when I really really really wanted to quit, she said, "You're almost done!" and she ran at my pace next to me for the rest of the 3.

so, I DID IT! The time was 40:45, but I don't care that it's slow. I'm excited I ran 3 straight miles.

A little Keller, a little C.S. Lewis, a little Sizzle

2010-05-02T14:07:00.003-04:00

In the sermon I listened to this week, Keller referred to a comparison made my C.S. Lewis.

Lewis explained this situation: You're a girl and this guy likes you, and three of your dear, close friends plead with you regarding your relationship. They, all three, know this guy is not a good guy and that he will break your heart. But you, seeming to know better, ignore this heartfelt advice. You see him in a different way than everyone else. You know this time he will be different.

In the end, your friends are right, and he breaks your heart.

Lewis compared this to our lives here on earth. We know Jesus. We love Jesus. We know the Bible is true, yet our experiences around us lead us to make decisions that go against what we know is true. Despite the warnings, and regardless of what we believe deep down, we are turned away from making right decisions because of what is in the here and now. Our present "experience" trumps truth.

I find myself living this out in so many areas of my life. In my daily life, I focus on what is happening rather than the bigger picture. In my health, I think about what I want in the moment. In personal interaction with others ... the list goes on.

Oh, that I could love and know Jesus in such reality that my experience with Him trumps what I think to be real and worthy.

Done!

2010-04-24T22:36:00.001-04:00

All I have left is my major final project. I have all A's for this semester, not counting my lab which has not been graded. I think I even got a 4.0 in one course. Woo! We don't meet for our big final project until June 11 or so, so I have a month and a half to get my butt kicked by the gym.

Let This Mind Be in You

2010-04-22T15:09:00.002-04:00

I've designated my 25-30 minute morning drive to work as time to listen to preaching. I justified the purchase of my iPod back in December by telling myself it would profit me as a person. And it has. I asked friends for names of speakers they listen to, and I picked up some of my own.

My podcasts include some of the following preachers:

1. Andy Stanley
2. Mark Dever
3. Francis Chan
4. Tim Keller
5. Matt Chandler
6. Mark Driscoll

Don't run away just because Driscoll is on that list! :) I don't agree with everything every preacher does or says, but that doesn't make everything they say completely nullified.

The one I've been listening to the most lately is Tim Keller, mostly because his sermons just recently became available on iTunes. I have been trying to read his book, The Reason for God, but I've struggled to get into it. After listening to a few of his sermons, I have a better feel for him as a speaker/author, so I'll have to get back into the book soon.

Tim Keller hit a list of things that really struck me as amazing and helpful. As I googled, I found these things seem to be the theme of his book, Counterfeit Gods, so perhaps I'll have to grab that book. In one of his sermons---actually, he mentions this in a couple---he talked about four things that people base their lives on. These are the four things:

Comfort
Approval
Control
Power

For most people, these are the driving forces in every area of our lives. He pointed out that Jesus relinquished all of these things to be our Sacrifice. Keller also mentioned the opposite spectrum of these things. I cannot remember his words, but I will guess they were similar to this list:

discomfort
disapproval
lack of control
weakness

Keller's point was this: We should not seek either list, nor do we deny either list. That was ground-breaking for me. I would think that in order to shun the first list, you'd have to seek the second. Keller said not to deny the first list, but to be suspect of those things. He said, don't seek the second list, but _____ them. I can't remember the word he used, and I wish I could because it was so fitting. I can't retell it the way he explained, but it was along the idea of being okay with these things when they happen, knowing glory goes to God in all things.

In most decisions I make, I seek comfort, approval, power, and definitely control. I struggle to relinquish those things in my life. I feel like I was taught to reach for discomfort and disapproval to gain a godly life, but this isn't true either.

Lord, whatever place I find myself, may I be suspect of my reasoning for the good things I seek, and understanding of the difficult things that cross my path.

A New Chapter!

2010-04-18T21:01:00.005-04:00

When I started the year, I decided I wanted 2010 to be full of firsts. I haven't been terribly successful. My exercise consistency is a pretty good first. Finishing grad school will be a great first.

Today's first was pretty fun and incredibly relaxing. I went fishing.

My abstract for my spring lab

2010-04-12T16:08:00.002-04:00

I'll probably rewrite it a few times before I'm actually done.

This study is an action research project that has been completed in a fourth grade classroom at *********. The purpose of this project is to examine cognitive development, instruction, and assessment in the classroom setting, specifically in the subject of reading. The initial research includes a preassessment of student performance. Curriculum for a four-week unit is then designed based on the results of the preassessment. At the halfway point of the unit, a formative assessment will reveal student progress. Continuing the action research, the teacher will evaluate the curriculum and adjust the final two weeks based on the formative assessment as well as other informal assessments that have taken place throughout the research. The process employs effective curriculum design both to determine the needs of the students effectively and successfully meet those needs using both traditional and alternative methods.

Five Things I Love About My Droid

2010-04-10T23:49:00.002-04:00

the a tiny flashing light to alert me of notifications even when the screen is dimmed
talk-to-text
quick internet
pandora radio
bible app

I'll add more posts as I learn more about my phone. :)

Some downside:

It's heavy and bulky
The keypad takes getting used to

For the love of love!

2010-04-05T18:52:00.002-04:00

Easter was delightful. I met Phil Stacy. I meditated on the resurrection of my Savior. I had wonderful fun with friends I hadn't been able to spend time with.

Last week, my car died, so I bought a new one. She's a 2009 Kia Spectra.

My phone had been acting up, so I also bought a new phone --- the Droid. It is my new best friend.

Today I started back to the gym. I did 2 miles on the treadmill while listening to Pandora radio on my Droid.

Nothing much else is new in my life.

Teaching myself as I teach 9-10 year olds

2010-03-30T19:48:00.000-04:00

"Love your enemies."

"Bless them that curse you."

"Do good to them that hate you."

If someone steals your stuff, give him the stuff he didn't steal.
If someone slaps you, turn the other cheek.

We need to act, not react. Our actions should not be determined by someone else's actions.

I quoted to my students. Then I said to them, "It's easy to read your Bible, sing a song, and go to church." I held up my Bible: "But this is the Jesus you are saying you want to follow."

Man, I was talking to myself there. The students were in shock. They know the Jesus that forgives, but they do not know the Jesus who expects us to put ourselves last. I sometimes wonder if I even know that Jesus. Don't I have rights? Don't I deserve something?

I told them, when we are faced with these situations... we need to see them as opportunities to bring God glory and not as situations where we are being offended.

Tough. It's tough. Holy Spirit, help me.

Some NYC pics

2010-03-27T03:58:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, we went to Chinatown for some shopping. Then we ate dinner outside in Little Italy. It was a most delicious meal. Then Kristina, Mike, and I went to see West Side Story on Broadway.

Today, Michael and I went to Tom's Diner, made famous by Seinfeld and the song Tom's Diner. Unfortunately, Michael mistook where the restaurant was, and we ended up walking through Harlem. The Harlem part wasn't unfortunate---I enjoyed that. It was the walking.

After we ate, we walked from the top of the park to what I think was the bottom. My feet were ridiculously sore. It was a fairly miserable day for my feet, but the rest of me had fun. Ok, that's not completely true. It was also extremely cold and windy, and I was not prepared for that, either.

One full day left. It's been a great week. :)

NYC Spring 2010 part 1

2010-03-24T13:19:00.003-04:00

Sunday - Joe, Michael, and I took the ferry across so we could get pics of the Statue of Liberty.

Monday - Michael and I wandered. Met Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) in the NHL store. He was really nice. Then my friend, Kenny, hooked us up with VIP passes to The Marriage Ref. We schmoozed with rich and important people before the taping. The entire experience was extremely fun, and the comedy was tremendous. Seeing Jerry Seinfeld and Tracy Morgan were the highlights of that experience.

Tuesday - Met up with Cheri and we went to a taping of Jimmy Fallon. The guests were Janet Jackson and John Cena.

Wednesday - heading to Central Park with Joe, to meet up with Kristina and Michael who are presently at the Met. Later, Michael and I are going to the Rangers Islanders game.

I love the city. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Little Girl - Green Day

2010-03-18T22:23:00.002-04:00

On my way to class tonight, this song started playing from my iPod. I thought I'd listen to the whole 21st Century cd. Apparently not, because this is now my new favorite song. It's so catchy. I love the tune and the lyrics. I think it has a rock SLASH Broadway sound to it. I can imagine this being sung in the middle of Les Mis on stage.

Today's Happy Place

2010-03-12T11:00:00.002-05:00

I went to traffic court and my officer did not show. So I have no fine and no record.
Since I had court, I took the day off work. I now have the day to work on grad work.
I thought I'd done a huge portion of my project wrong. Instead of throwing it out, I sent it to my professor. She replied that it's good so far! Thank God I didn't throw it out!

I am a winner!

2010-03-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

I won the book from Esky's site! WOO!

the end.

So I guess I'll be reading Hear No Evil for my 5th book this year. YAY!

Unexplainable versus Undeniable

2010-03-04T22:40:00.003-05:00

I just finished a four-part series called It's Personal by Andy Stanley. I highly recommend this sermon series to anyone who is a believer ... and to anyone who is not. I feel like I gained a lot from listening to it. They are currently available for free on iTunes (podcast), so I definitely suggest heading there now (You can come back to the blog later ... plus that'll add another hit to my page).

Before I'd finished the series, I ordered The Reason for God by Tim Keller so I could read it. It had been recommended, and though I only knew the title, I ordered it. Interestingly, the back cover says,

"Using literature, philosophy, real life conversations, and potent reasoning, Keller explains how belief in a Christian God is, in fact, a sound and rational one."

I'm interested to read it because Andy Stanley seemed to point out that there are so many questions we cannot answer. The fact is, our faith comes down to our personal experience with God. Our questions do not always disappear---they merely become less important when the undeniable happens to us. When we encounter Jesus, we care less about the unexplainable.

Perplexing.

S is for Submit

2010-03-02T09:30:00.003-05:00

This week's Bible lesson for my fourth grade students is all about the topic of submission. Today we looked at different people to whom we should submit, and pray for:

Parents - Ephesians 6:1-2
Teachers - Proverbs 5:13
Authority/leaders - I Timothy 2:1-2

Tomorrow we'll look at David's example of submission.

As we talked about submission today, I challenged the students with this:

When our parents or teachers, or anyone in authority, asks something of us that we do not want to do, it is an opportunity to love God and bring glory to Him.

As I spoke, I was preaching to myself. How often do I get an attitude or complain when I am asked to do something I don't want to do. Do I think of it as an opportunity to glorify God, or do I focus on how I'm not getting what I want?

Lord, help me to see these situations as opportunities to bring glory to you, and not to get my way.

S. for submit. I told my students to write it on their hands (if their parents let them!).

Book Give-Away!

2010-02-28T14:58:00.003-05:00

My friend is giving away a copy of Matthew Paul Turner's book, Hear No Evil: My Story of Music, Innocence, and the Holy Ghost. CLICK HERE to go to Esky's blog for the info on the giveaway.

Matthew Paul Turner also hosts the blog, Jesus needs new PR.

My 200th Post

2010-02-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

Here is my week ...

Sunday: ran 2 miles
Monday: ran 2 miles
Tuesday: ran 2 miles, walked/ran the 3rd.
Wednesday: ran 1 mile, walked/ran 2nd

Friday: Ran 2 miles
Saturday: swam 25 laps at the pool.

Have I lost ONE pound?
nope.

But it sure is nice to walk up the steps and not be striving to breathe, so I guess that's good.

The Drive Thru Difference

2010-02-27T12:41:00.004-05:00

Many of us have forgotten about Haiti already. Life for us has moved on. Maybe you donated, maybe you intended to but never got around to it. Perhaps the images and news stories struck your heart, but you never moved to action. Or maybe you did, and you've satisfied the emotion you felt a month ago.

For me, there have been a couple factors that have played into my life. One was definitely the earthquake. Over the years, I've seen tragedy, and felt sadness for people, and had a desire to do things to help. Unfortunately, even if I did react immediately, the experience didn't continue in my life. I soon forgot about the needs of other people and carried on, making myself happy, searching for satisfaction, and complaining when life didn't come to me the way I wished it would.

So when Haiti hit I, again, was moved to give. But this time, I don't want to stop giving. I'm not saying I am going to continue to send money to Haiti or to the Red Cross. I just mean, I want to be a giving person. I have been given so much. And as reminded by preachers like Mark Driscoll and Frances Chan---I'm rich! Why do I keep it all for myself?

A few people who have impacted me:

1. Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand years has continuously challenged me to live a life worth telling about.

2. Mark Driscoll - You can have your opinion about the man, but he does have some great things to say. I was especially moved when he replayed the story (it was audio/video) of a person in Haiti who suffered for a week with injuries to the face because the family could not afford a taxi to the hospital. When he asked how much it would cost to get the family member to the hospital, the man replied, "Um, uhh.. .one,, uh, fifteen dollars." My heart broke, and tears fell.

I sit around deciding if I should renew my phone today since I can. Should I buy a new computer since mine is kind of slow? Man, I'd really like a flat panel tv because my big monstrous one is hard to move around. And here, in the same world I live, someone is suffering because the family doesn't have fifteen dollars!

3. Frances Chan - In his book, Crazy Love, (I think it was in the book) he said his family sold their larger home for a smaller home so they could give more. Wow. That hit me. I rent a room, and often feel unfulfilled because I don't have my OWN place. I feel lesser in society because I don't have the financial success that would allow me to get my very own home or even apartment.

But Chan challenged me --- I thought, wow, I have financial freedom because of my situation, but I use it all for me. God has given me this gift of renting a room so that I might be able to give to others.

So, I'm trying to be less self-centered with my money, and concentrate on the fact that I can be used of God to bless others with my money. It's not easy, but it's rewarding when it's accomplished. I feel purpose and fulfilled more than I would if I bought myself that SLR camera or a new car.

Interestingly, as you've probably heard in sermon after sermon about giving, I'm amazed at how much I've been able to get that I want, and still be giving more than I thought I could give. Maybe my mind is transforming so that I want less. I'm not sure. I just know I'm thankful for what I have, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to give.

So, my challenge to my friends, to my readers, is to give. The local Christian radio station would be a 4th challenge to me, and I want to pass it on to all of you. 91.9, WGTS, is promoting "The Drive Thru Difference." This is a simple way to give. You just buy your meal, and then pay for the person's behind you. I promise you, your heart will be rewarded in giving.

There is a print-out on the link, but I suggest you write your own note, just sharing your desire to give. Linking them to 91.9 will give them the opportunity to hear more about the God who gave His Son for us, so feel free to include that information.

I hope you are challenged, and I hope you take this challenge

And Jill Came Tumbling After

2010-02-22T21:19:00.002-05:00

You can't live on a high forever. You can't spend your life on the mountaintop. It just doesn't work that way.

I was so pumped for 2010. I was ready to write my story. Then February hit. It's not that I've quit the things I started. I'm still reading, I'm still running, and I've made some personal additions to my life, but the excitement is gone. Life is back to just being life.

I have to remind myself that it's okay if life isn't a fantastic thrill every second of every day. There will be moments I'll capture and just know they're part of my story. But there are going to be parts of my life that wouldn't make the first edit. I might be too embarrassed, or the happening might just be too mundane.

But guess what, mundane happens. That's life. And it's ok. Yes, I'm telling myself, not you---whoever you are. But maybe you needed to be reminded, too. Maybe February hit you like it hit me.

But February didn't knock me down. And March is coming!

Run and not be weary, Walk and not faint

2010-02-16T22:09:00.004-05:00

Today, after a week off the treadmill (thank you, snow), I returned to the gym. I accomplished a personal best time of 2 miles in 26:05 and 3 miles in 39:51. To runners, or anyone fit, that probably doesn't sound very impressive, but I'm not a runner, and I'm far from fit.

I'm so proud of me.

And I'm thankful. I thanked God for my health today. I thanked Him that I can walk, that I can run, and that I am just all-around healthy. Then I almost wiped out on a giant patch of ice on the front step. So I thanked Him again.

After watching so much Haiti coverage, I find myself thanking God more and more for the simple things I take for granted. Each night (well, most nights) when I go to bed, I get all comfy and then think of those who don't have a comfortable, warm (or cool) place to sleep. How many people go to bed hungry? Who didn't have clean water today?

I don't deserve what I have; and if God took it away from me today, He'd still be God, and He'd still be good. In my sinfulness, I'd probably pout and throw a tantrum and scream, "Don't you love me, God!?" But for now, I just thank Him. Over and over. For my health. For dinner. And for my comfortable bed.

Good night.

My Story - February

2010-02-14T09:58:00.003-05:00

Being housebound for a week, I feel as though my story is on pause. The blizzard of twenty-ten (just to make sure you read it that way) has ceased my desire to read and run. And I watched a movie by myself (it was lame).

This is not a sad entry, though. The good part is how I feel about all this. Sure, I wish I had a little more motivation, but I don't feel defeated. I know that once the storm clears (get it? ok, it wasn't funny), I'll get back on track with my schedule. I'm not quitting. I'm just on pause while nature takes a bathroom break, or something. Ok, that was dumb, too.

And in the midst of it, I got a card in the mail from a friend who said that I've been an encouragement to her as I try to make these changes. So I guess in some way, my story has impacted someone. And that makes a story worth reading.

p.s. Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day! ;)

My version of scrap booking :)

2010-02-10T22:32:00.001-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Dear Nike and Gatorade, and the rest of you

2010-01-31T21:59:00.001-05:00

I'm a 4th grade teacher. I use your products. I wear your shoes and drink your drinks. Meanwhile, I spend my days impacting kids for life. I don't hit a golf ball or home runs, but I think I do something pretty darn important. And I just want to tell you that I'd be glad to represent your company, and I'd do it for a fraction of the cost you pay these high profile figures.

My Story - Week 3

2010-01-26T18:28:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned, I've been listening to a lot of sermons to and from work each day, and I can see places in my life where I am not able to ignore the Holy Spirit. I have by no means "arrived," but I definitely hear God's voice more clearly when I am tempted. I still choose to do the wrong thing sometimes, but there have been a few specific times where I mentally chose to do right despite my selfish desires and Satan's lies. I'm grateful for God's working in my life this year.

I'm reading Crazy Love and a poker book right now. I'm not doing so great on the reading thing, but I'm trying!

I've decided that movie watching is something to be done with friends. So, overall, if I watch a movie, it'll be a way to spend time with people I enjoy, rather than using movies as a way to waste time doing nothing by myself.

This week, I did something I've never done in my life. I ran 2 miles straight without stopping or walking. I've been going to the gym to run pretty regularly, and this was a huge accomplishment for me. I'm pretty excited. And I hate to admit, but I have come to enjoy running. I never ever in my life thought I'd ever say anything close to that.

I can see God working in my life in so many ways. I don't know that my story is changing people's lives around me, but I know God is doing a work in my life. I'm also learning more about how this is all for God and not for me. I feel pressed to do something radical, but I still have fear, I still love comfort, and I still want control. Too many I's. But we've made progress. Thank you, Lord.

Health and Wealth

2010-01-24T19:45:00.003-05:00

Poor, poor Haiti. Oh that God would show mercy.

Or has He?

I don't know the answers. What I know is that I personally have come to define God's blessing by health and wealth. How do you give the hope of Christ to someone who has no wealth and is losing his health? It seems impossible, unless God's blessing goes beyond health and wealth. It must.

If I lost my wealth, if I lost my health, would Jesus really be enough for me? I'm not "rich" by American standards, but man, I truly have all I need and much of what I want. I fear these things I've counted as blessings are more plausibly distractions. They have been my tangible experience of God. How foolish.

How is this undone? How do I reverse this thinking? How do I make Christ my all? What if He asks me to give it all away. All of it. Could I do it? Oh God, what have I become?

This week's Dad story

2010-01-23T19:49:00.002-05:00

My dad has been calling me every few days or so lately. The last conversation went like this.

ME: Hey Dad, what's up?

DAD: I'm crying.

ME: What? Why?

DAD: I just lost all my play chips on Pokerstars.

I am not even going to bother posting the rest of the story. Just read that. over and over.

poker

2010-01-22T06:07:00.001-05:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: 177209

he who looks into the perfect law of liberty

2010-01-19T06:25:00.002-05:00

²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. ²⁵ But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. (James 1)

Since I bought my new iPod, I've downloaded sermons to listen to as I drive to and from work. I've never been one to listen to sermons when I'm not at church, and I don't even know what prompted me to do it. Regardless, I'm finding myself more focused on Christ because of it. It's something I've known all along---whatever I spend my time on is what I'm going to think about. I'm excited about the renewing of my mind.

Unfortunately, work comes along with this progression. The more I listen to God's Word being presented, the more I am faced with my faults, my sins, my bad choices. I've become convicted in many areas. And usually, if I hear a sermon on Sunday---sure, I might be convicted, but by Wednesday, I'm back to pretending it wasn't that important.

So now, I stand. I stand looking in the mirror of God's law. I know my salvation is only through Jesus Christ, but that doesn't leave me blameless in my choices. I can walk away from the mirror and forget what I saw. That would be so much simpler. My flesh wants to do just that. walk away and forget. Selfishness fights against the Spirit.

Lord, give me strength and courage to follow You.

Pretty Unfascinating

2010-01-12T21:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went for my fitness evaluation at the gym. We won't discuss the outcome of that eval, but I can tell you part of it --- I'm sore! Walking out of the gym last night, I could barely walk down the stairs. The mini-training intro consisted of multiple squats. Every step I took, I was certain my knees were going to give as I hobbled down the stairs of the fitness center.

A lady at least twice my age was bouncing down the stairs beside me while I managed to take one step at a time. "OOh, what class did you just come from?"

"It wasn't a class. It was a fitness evaluation... I feel like an old..." uh, I caught myself, "I feel like..." nope can't say that either. And then I just mumbled to myself as I realized I couldn't use "grandma" or "old" at all to describe how I felt to a 60+ fit woman. Fail.

Today, I still can't walk up/down stairs. But Kristi-Anna and I rode the stationary bikes together anyway. Go us!

My Story Week One

2010-01-07T19:02:00.003-05:00

joined a gym
remained off the internet after 9 p.m
canceled my Netflix (huge, I know!)
gave some small gifts to friends
reading everyday

These aren't huge things, but they're progress. I'm weeding out some crapola to make room for awesomeness.

What's next? I'm thinking since I'm doing the gym anyway, I should train for a 5k. Sounds like a scary plan! But all good stories need conflict, my friend.

My Personal Top 10 for 2009

2009-12-31T23:02:00.001-05:00

10. Getting Curtis Granderson's autograph and getting my picture with him
9. Paying off my school loan
8. Being debt free!
7. Getting counseling
6. Having the privilege of being in Stacy and Greg's wedding
5.Going to New York City
4. Meeting Don Miller
3. Going to grad school
2. Inadvertently introducing Emily to her soon to be husband (Saturday!)
1. Becoming good friends with Kristi-Anna Eldridge

Writing My Own Story

2009-12-28T14:35:00.005-05:00

I'm reading Donald Miller's newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. In a nutshell, a couple guys asked him to make his Blue Like Jazz memoir into a movie, and as they fictionalized his character, he made some fascinating connections between a story and reality.

I find myself thinking Don Miller is full of crap. I mean, he writes about his faults, but then accomplishes these amazing things like riding a bike across the country to raise money for wells in Africa, losing a lot of weight, writing amazing books. So then I get frustrated because I feel like his image of himself is so inaccurate.

When I was reading Blue Like Jazz, I felt a pretty amazing connection to Don Miller because we shared so much in common in the realm of insecurities. It was refreshing to see a successful 30 something confess the lacking he felt. But now that he's gone and made something of himself, I can't compare anymore!

As I'm reading, I find myself thinking, "This is all really good, but it's so idealistic. I want to make steps to better myself and my life, and to have purpose, but I don't have what it takes." Similar thoughts were constantly running through my head, and then I read this:

"Perhaps one of the reasons I've avoided having a clear ambition is that second you stand up and point toward a horizon, you realize how much there is to lose. It's always been this way."
(Chapter 18)

And then I'm back to feeling like Don and I really are quite alike. And deep down, I'd like to think we're alike in that I do have a lot to offer. Maybe.

But I can't write my own story if I don't have a plan. And there won't be any great victory if there aren't hurdles to jump. So what can I do? How can I make my life worth reading? I'm not quite sure yet, but I've got a couple small things in mind to start.

First of all, I'm going to do my reading goal again. You can't go wrong with reading. I want to read 12 books this year. Somehow, reading makes life meaningful. I'm not sure how, but it does. It must.

Second, well, this one I'm still on the fence about. I want to get healthy. I don't want to say that here because it's just something I'm going to look back on in a few days, a few weeks, even months, and realize, I've failed. again. But I'm putting it out here anyway because it's a desire.

Third, I want to have an impact in people's lives, and other than teaching, I don't really know how to do that. So I have a mini-plan, but I'm not sure how it's going to work. This is where I need help (Truthfully, I need help in many areas, but this isn't the time for all that). I need suggestions/ideas on ways I can help people. My goal is to do SOMETHING for someone once a week. I know that sounds ridiculously simple, but I'm a pretty selfish person, and I don't feel like I give much of myself to others in any way. So, that's my plan.

To start, I've signed up on www.kiva.org as a lender. This is kind of impersonal, but it's a step. Go to kiva.org to read about these low income entrepreneurs, and how you, too, can help them be self sufficient!

I'm scared. I'm frightened. I fear the failure that is to follow. But what's a story without a conflict?

If I were an ostrich, I'd hide my head in the sand

2009-12-27T13:28:00.009-05:00

This week, I'm spending time in Illinois with my two brothers, my sister in law, and my two nieces. For Christmas, my mom and dad drove over from Michigan. I haven't told many dad stories in a while, so I figured to bring the post-Christmas cheer, I'd lay a few out here.

Yesterday, my dad says, "Hey, Jesse, I have an idea. I think you should save those boxes that your pop comes in. Then, after you guys all drink the pop, put the empties in the boxes and have Michael FedEx them to me. This helps both of us out." You see, in Michigan, there is a ten cent deposit/refund on pop cans.

Jesse replied, "So let me get this straight. You want me to buy the pop, do all the work of packaging the cans up, and then have Michael mail them to you so you can get the money for them?"

My dad responds, "Well, we can split the money."

I, of course, am in the other room, cracking up. The conversation continued on whether or not this operation was even legal; not that Jesse was even considering it, but for some reason we children have a hard time just letting things drop. I think we expect my dad to realize his own stupidity if we continue to engage the conversation. This never happens.

Anyway, my dad said, "I know it's illegal in Ohio, but I didn't know if it's different since we're two states over." Huh? Seriously? No, he can't be serious. But yes, he was.

Then last night, Sheri and I were sitting on the couch playing our games on the laptops when my dad walks in with a giant Tupperware container of sauerkraut. "Are you going to eat that whole thing, Dad?" I questioned. It was a leading question.

"No!" he responded.

"Then you can't eat out of the container!" So, what do you think he said? Guesses?

"Why not?" Huh? Was he serious? He was!

"Because it's not your house! You can't eat out of the container! You have to get your own bowl," I explained. Is this really something I should be explaining to a 61 year old man? Really? Well, I was.

"Oh."

Romans 12:21

2009-12-26T01:49:00.004-05:00

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I've read books. I've read the Bible. I've talked to friends. I've sat in a chair in a therapist's office (the couch was horribly uncomfortable). Still, I struggle with boundaries. Honestly, I don't know if boundaries is the right word. My inner conflict goes beyond simply saying no; Perhaps balance is a more suitable description. I'll end up referring to both words, and hopefully, by the time I've finished whatever it is I'm going to say (I'm not quite sure yet!), you'll understand my mental definition of these words.

When is it ok to say I don't like something? How do I know if I'm being selfish? Do I have rights? How much is too much? These are the questions that plague me in situations of conflict. I endure an awful lot of self-induced anguish because these types of questions haunt me almost daily.

Let's start with honesty. This is one of those areas where I don't know if I'm supposed to use the word boundary or balance. Anyway, how does one balance (aha!) honesty with both love and discretion? It seems when I try to be honest, I am sometimes labeled negative or pessimistic. At other times, when I choose to refrain from voicing my opinion, I am scolded for not taking a stand.

The books say I have the right to create boundaries. When I first read these books, this was eye-opening and fantastic. After considering Scripture, though, I became confused. Jesus said to turn the other cheek. The red letters tell me to give up everything---to deny myself. Are these two thoughts congruent?

As these thoughts run laps inside my head, I beat myself down ... mentally, spiritually, and physically. It broods depression. This circus of thinking all stems from my desire to make the right choices, but as I strive to figure out what is right, I end up in the wrong. I end up being depressed and discouraged and living a life filled with frustration and feelings of failure.

Knowing that I Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints, " I have assurance that this mental conflict is not of God. This state of frustration in which I live is just part of this fallen world. It is part of the evil that reigns. It attacks me daily.

And so, I cling to Romans 12:21:

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

The God who loves me and gave His Son for me, is the God who will keep me in His arms. He is the one who will carry me through this storm, even if it lasts for my entire existence on this earth. He is good. He is sovereign. God is the Creator and He is my Sustainer. The Comforter lives within me, and even when I am overcome with confusion, I am not alone. God is greater than my doubt. God is more powerful than my confusion. Despite my helplessness, God is not helpless. He is omnipotent. And He loves me. His goodness is greater than any evil that plagues my mind.

In order to have victory over this battle in my mind, I must overcome evil with good. I have to make a constant decision to dwell on God---on who He is. As Peter focused on Jesus Christ, he walked on water. When I am fully concentrated on my Savior, I feel the immense peace that surpasses any storm around me.

A few final thoughts. First, my meditation on God must be intentional. If I do not make a conscious choice to put Him in the forefront of my thoughts, I won't do it at all. Second, building the habit of God-ward thoughts does not remove the situations around me. It simply changes my viewpoint. Finally, I have to remind myself that God can indeed give me victory over my confusion. That is a point that I have not fully grasped yet because I have not experienced it. Lord, help my unbelief!

Book It!

2009-12-24T01:39:00.004-05:00

As a teacher, I should naturally be a reader. I confess, I am not. Two years ago, I committed to read 12 books in a year, and I accomplished that goal. I think I'm going to relive that goal for 2010. Right now, I'm making a list of books I think I want to read.

1. The Reason for God by Tim Keller
2. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
3. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller
4. Christ-Centered Worship by Bryan Chapell
5. Prodigal God by Tim Keller
6. The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs
7. Skinny B*tch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin
8. Angry Conversations with God by Susan E. Isaacs

So far, those are the only books I have on my list. I'm sure I'll come back to add more. I don't own any of these books. If you have any of them and want to lend them to me, let me know!

Winter with my Dad

2009-12-19T14:05:00.001-05:00

This weekend, we got 18 inches of snow in one snowfall. As Jordan went outside to play in the snow, I started thinking about the stuff my dad would do with us in the winter.

He took us sledding on the hill at Green Acres.
We went ice skating at random ponds and in Mr. Juopperi's backyard. One time while we were driving to a pond to go ice skating, he hit a jogger with his van. He only tapped him, but the man yelled at him in some foreign language.
We went to lots of Red Wings games!
One thing my dad did a lot with us was doughnuts. He'd throw the car in reverse and swirl us in circles ... in parking lots, on roads, and even on service drives next to major interstates. We'd be screaming at the top of our lungs, partly in terror and partly in delight.

Before I Forget

2009-12-11T20:01:00.002-05:00

I don't know what has happened to me this week, but I seemed to have lost my memory. It drives me nuts when I do absent minded things because I feel stupid, but more so because I am afraid I will forget something important that causes irreparable damage!

On Wednesday, I completely forgot to take my students to chapel. About ten minutes after I was supposed to be there, someone called me. "Are you coming?" she asked. It still took me 30 seconds to figure out I was supposed to be in chapel.

That night, I went to close the front door of the house and it wouldn't close. I couldn't figure out why. I opened the door to see if something was blocking the door. Sure enough---there were my keys---IN THE DOOR HANDLE. I never leave my keys in the door. I still don't remember doing that. I have no idea how that happened.

Thursday morning, I was driving to school when I realized I forgot to put any makeup on.

Today, I woke up at 4:30, and thought, "I don't think I set my alarm." Yup... I'd forgotten to set my alarm.

I wonder what I'll forget next.

Before the Throne of God Above

2009-11-29T22:11:00.004-05:00

What a beautiful proclamation of my God and Savior.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

Marriage is Death!

2009-11-22T08:59:00.004-05:00

For all these years, I have never understood the purpose of marriage. Aside from sex, children, and as Emily reminded me---a tax break, I cannot comprehend any reason to get married. Sure, God ordained it. I understand that. I know that people need people; I believe we were created to live in community. However, I can have community and relationships without being married.

As I've been learning the true meaning of love, I've come to see the purpose of marriage. It isn't anything deep; it isn't anything I haven't heard before, but suddenly it has clicked in my brain. It now makes sense to me.

As believers and followers of Christ, we are to demonstrate love the way Christ loves us. We are to love people and build relationships with them. However, the only way we can completely demonstrate the committed love that Christ showed to us is through marriage. His commitment to death was the ultimate sacrifice. His commitment demonstrated his love in a way that could not be retracted. He chose to love us and show a deeper commitment than any other action could prove. Suddenly, "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friend" has more depth for me.

So yes, marriage is death. Marriage is the only way we can demonstrate that full commitment to love the way Christ loved. This changes the entire idea of marriage altogether for me. I've always known it's more than just finding someone you like, but as I stated, I've never been able to comprehend the purpose. Now, I see a greater purpose beyond having someone to enjoy, to live with, to love. It is about drawing close to God and Christ the Savior by experiencing and living out the love that He has poured on us in the only way possible for us.

If someday, I am blessed to be married, I pray that I will keep this revelation in my heart continually. It would revolutionize my attitude and my relationship each day because it is no longer about me nor my spouse. It is all about the love that Christ has for us and the responsibility we have to reenact that love through our commitment to this person, regardless of the difficult times.

I am certainly not ready to get married any time soon, if at all. I am afraid of failing at this idea of commitment and love. I cannot succeed on my own. Only by focusing on Jesus Christ and His place in my life will a marriage be successful.

Family

2009-11-21T22:33:00.003-05:00

This week I'll be flying to see my brothers, my sister in law, and my nieces who all live in Illinois now. The fact that they all live together makes me pretty jealous. You know how when you miss a family holiday, you feel left out? I feel like I'm missing Christmas everyday because they all live together.

I am thankful for my family. I love my two brothers and my nieces. I love my sister in law very much, too. She is one of my best friends in the whole world. My brother is luckier than he may ever realize. She is spectacular.

I look forward to playing poker on Thanksgiving, reminiscing about the crazy family stories, and being un-funny (You see, in my family, I am the un-funny one. Shocking, I know!).

I am blessed.

Googly Moogly!

2009-11-16T18:56:00.000-05:00

If you google my name, this is one of the first things that pop up:

Imaginary Love

2009-11-08T22:06:00.005-05:00

Yesterday turned out to be chick flick day! Charity and I watched He's Just Not That Into You and The Proposal. That was a lot of estrogen for me to handle. As I've proclaimed lately, I seem to be 70% dude, and that's being gracious.

At any rate, I got to thinking about love and how I have zero comprehension of the whole idea of it. Or, I like to say that's true. Truth is, I think I do understand love, but I'm too darn selfish to really take hold of it. I want love to be the Hollywood happiness. I want love to make me feel good. But when you think about love, it's not that at all.

Love sucks! It hurts. It's painful. Love moves us to do things that make us unhappy because love always does the right thing. The thing about love is this: it's not what we portray it to be.

So many of us (stupid, single, American girls) want to be happy and we think that if we fall in love and get married, we're going to be so happy that we will sing with cartoon birds and frolic in meadows of daisies.

Love doesn't make you happy.

So then what does it do? It makes you selfless. Love makes you give. Love makes you put someone else's needs and desires ahead of yours. Love makes you compromise. Love makes you surrender. I'm sorry, but none of those things sound appealing!

Most of me wants to keep pretending that love is something other than what it really is. The imaginary love is so much more beautiful than true love. The stories that come from imaginary love are much more romantic and sappy.

But real love wins in the end. Despite the pain and the grief and the sadness and the sacrifice necessary for real love, in the end, love wins. Take the example of our Savior---oh, the pain, the grief, the sadness, and the sacrifice! There was no beauty in that. There were no meadows of daisies in His life. Jesus's love was not about Himself, but about the one He loved. His love was selfless.

There is joy in love, but joy is not its purpose. The purpose of love is to give meaning to our lives outside of our own existence. Love puts us in fellowship with others and with God. True love binds us together because we esteem someone else as more important than ourselves. The love of Christ put us back into fellowship with Himself---with God.

What relationship can you redeem through love?

Monument Monday

2009-10-26T21:45:00.002-04:00

Pic I took yesterday at the Marine Corps Marathon

Blog Address Change

2009-10-26T20:42:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to change my blog site to sizzledowski if it's available, as opposed to MollyCarlisle. We'll see if it works. I'll wait a few days in case people actually read this.

The Last 25 Movies I Watched and Enjoyed (from Netflix)

2009-10-25T18:29:00.004-04:00

My Life in Ruins
Sin Nombre
The Brothers Bloom
Lost in Austen
The Believer
State of Play
Push
He's Just Not that Into You
Defiance
Confessions of a Shopoholic
Seven Pounds
Fanboys
Bride Wars
New in Town
The Secret Life of Bees
Changeling
Bedtime Stories
Twilight
What Happens in Vegas
My Sassy Girl
Role Models
Righteous Kill
The House Bunny
Pride and Glory
Muriel's Wedding

Do I Really Want to Go Here?

2009-10-22T20:30:00.002-04:00

I really don't like talking about being single because I like to pretend I'm above all other single people. I mean, I am pretty freakin awesome, but that doesn't alleviate me of my singleness. Weird, right? Of course, I had to start with some sort of sarcasm and humor because that's how we emotionally inept people work. We hide the real feelings and just pretend to be funny so people will like us on the surface, and that makes us content for the moment.

But then I have to go home and cry. and be alone.

So here I go. For the past four or five years, I've become very aware of my lack of nurture, the effect of my childhood on my adult life, and the deep need I have for years on a couch in an office. As a Christian, I get lots of "blah blah blah" from so many angles as a single female Christian. I'm not even going to delve into that. It would give me a headache.

As I look at my life, how it has played out, and where I am now, I find myself saying I am single because of all the crap I've gone through. I won't find someone because I have too many problems, and I don't know how to love, and I have no sense of identity. I could go on. While driving to work the other day, I thought, "Self, you're blaming God." I've been saying, "God, this is your fault. You gave me this life and you're not fixing it. Why are you doing this to me? You've ruined me!"

Yikes.

So somewhere in that drive, I said, "God, I don't know why this is what you want for me right now, but apparently it is. You didn't ruin me. It's somehow your plan. I'm not single because of my childhood. I'm single because that is what you have for me."

This is not a blog about how I'm going to claim the single life and be all empowering or anything. In fact, I don't even know if I'll post this for long. I am not looking for the "oh he's out there" responses or any of that crap. And this certainly isn't me saying I have achieved any status of spirituality.

I'm just saying I had a moment where I realized I was blaming God. I was taking an earthly look at a situation and making my own conclusions. Shame on me.

Stretch

2009-10-20T21:32:00.002-04:00

I don't know if I thought my Master's classes would be easy, or if I just didn't think about it at all. I must've just assumed, "Hey, one year, half price---do it!" That's very unlike me. I mean, not that I usually go for the long expensive route, but that I'd jump into something without thinking through all the work that goes into it. Normally, I think it through, and then throw the idea in my mental trash can immediately. I confess: I do not like work, not in the least.

I've completed one course so far, I'm working on a second course--which is really two courses in one, and also working on a large semester project that counts as an entire course. Along with that, I am working full time in my normal 4th grade teaching job. I made that sound really grueling, but truthfully, the workload isn't as overwhelming as it sounds. I just like to be a bit dramatic once in a while. Dramatic? I take that back. The better term would be whiny.

Although my work load has been do-able, I have come to a new dilemma in life. I am not as awesome as I think I am. I know right? Somewhere along the way in my codependent existence, I learned to be fiercely independent. So independent that it hurts my pride to ask for help. While struggling to figure out this semester project I have to do, I've come to the realization that asking for help is going to be a necessity. I cannot do this alone.

I'm starting to think the process of this Master's thing isn't really going to be about stretching me academically. This is God's plan to stretch me spiritually and as a person in general. I'm going to have to humble myself and ask for help. I'm going to have to admit to God that I truly need Him because I am absolutely inadequate to do some of these things without some supernatural intervention.

So here I go. I'm going to STRETCH. It's going to hurt. I'm going to cry a lot. I will most likely do much whining. But in the end, God is going to stretch me. And in the end, I'm going to be more flexible, dexterous, and useful. And all other sorts of cool words ... and for Him. I hope.

Nothing of Relevance

2009-10-09T21:43:00.004-04:00

1. My life is definitely more like a sitcom than a movie. In a movie, there is a plot--you have a problem and a solution. In a sitcom, the same problems keep circling week after week after week, but nothing ever changes. The characters are all flat.

2. I really hate the term "Sunday school." It sounds like something for 6 year olds in the 1950's.

3. For the fifth year straight, my class won the door decorating competition. "Stingrays, May the Fourth Be With You" was our slogan. Killer, I know.

4. I found out this week that a guy I used to work with is now Tracy Morgan's assistant. It's crazy the things you learn on Twitter!

5. I watched Brother's Bloom this week. Loved it.

6. Today a former school parent told me that she was blessed to know me. Talk about an ego-boost!

7. I washed my hands at Pizza Hut tonight, and now my hands smell like Dial soap. The smell reminds me of my grandma's house and makes me miss her.

Too tired to type

2009-10-03T21:17:00.003-04:00

How come we all know the right answers, but we can't live it out consistently?

Failure is so frustrating.

True Story #?

2009-09-30T21:53:00.002-04:00

I have this student who surprises me with witty comments enough that I shouldn't be surprised anymore.

The other day, as usual, I was making ridiculously corny comments/jokes in class. He said, "You can't laugh at your own jokes. That's pride."

I must be the proudest person ever.

"I love technology, but not as much as you, you see."

2009-09-14T19:40:00.003-04:00

But seriously, folks, I've self-taught myself a lot about computers, and I tend to pick up quickly on anything computer/electronics related. Oddly enough, there are a few pretty big things that most people would assume I have/like ... and I don't.

1. Well, I just recently got a laptop, and it was given to me, so I have to cross that off my list.

2. I don't own an iPod. True story. I have a small (free) mp3 player that holds about 40 songs. It was a gift when I signed up for Comcast back in the day. I think I fear that if I buy an iPod, I'll insist I get the BEST one, and then go crazy buying songs to fill it. And I would.

3. I don't have a Blackberry. I do, however, have a keyboard on my phone. It's a necessity.

4. At school, we have online lesson plans. I hate them. I am visual and need to see all my plans laid out in grid form. I need to see my own handwriting and my own highlighting. I cannot conform!

5. I don't have a flat panel tv. I do have flat screen, but I've not upgraded to flat panel... it's in a dream I have, though!

Thought You Should All Know

2009-09-11T06:17:00.000-04:00

SURPRISE!